


Hallways

by ashes_and_ashes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Fluff, Hogwarts, Homophobia, M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:34:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17499941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes_and_ashes/pseuds/ashes_and_ashes
Summary: With a curse, James’ hand shoots forwards, grabbing Sirius’ wrist so hard, it hurts. He shoves the sleeve up, baring the forearm.Sirius stares down, the pale skin and the scars that shot across it. When he looks up, James’ face is set.“She’s hurting you again, isn’t she?”Sirius lets out a dark laugh. “When has she ever stopped?”





	1. The Train

He was 40 minutes early for the train.

It happened every year - Sirius, anxious to leave, arriving earlier and earlier as the summers grew worse and worse.

He walks now, one hand jammed in the deep pockets of his ribs, the other lugging the heavy oak trunk behind him. He knew that behind him, Walburga was laughing, likely levitating Regulus’ trunk, but Sirius doesn’t particularly care as he stalks down the platform. The lines on his back ache, his teeth carving divots into his lip, and Sirius stifles a groan as he steps onto the train. He doesn’t bother to turn around, to say goodbye to his mother, doesn’t bother to even acknowledge her existence as he boards the train, the doors hissing shut behind him.

He walks down the corridor, each step coming faster and faster, each breath easier and easier, as he flings open the door of the second-last compartment and stumbles in. He lets the trunk fall with a bang, shoving it undeneath him, before collapsing onto the closest chairs.

He’s shaking, trembling really, blood filling his mouth from his torn lip, as he stares blindly ahead of him. The summer had been hard, worse then last year. His mother was more drunk, his father more angry, curses and lashes and pain and fear. Nights of torture blending into days, the walls echoing with his stifled screams.

Sirius grits his teeth, pressing his forehead into his knees, hugging himself tighter. He can feel the arm of the chair digging into his back, rubbing against the cuts there, but he ignores it, closing his eyes. The darkness beckons, solitude and silence, and Sirius presses himself tighter against it.

He remembers the nightmare, the same one. Every night, every time he closed his eyes: Regulus, scars from Crucio on his back, James, with his broken fingers and snapped legs. Peter, slowly choking to death, Lily, unconscious on the ground and -

It was always this, the one that broke him. Remus, slumped against the wall, silver chains covering him, the sounds of his harsh breathing filling the room.

Remus. Against his legs, Sirius mouths his name. It always seemed to be him. That whole summer, when his bones were snapping and his skin was burning and all he could do was try not to scream, the only thing that got him through was Remus.

There were other dreams too, ones where Remus was laughing, his hair mused and messy, light filling his eyes as Sirius held him. Dreams where they were together, Walburga a distant stain, where they were free to love, to smile, to be happy.

But those dreams always seemed to vanish, disappearing into the darkness of reality.

Dimly, Sirius feels a hand, warm through his robes, and he glances up.

“Hey. Alright?”

Sirius nods, folding his legs underneath him as James sits next to him. “Yeah. Great.”

“Bullshit.” Sirius rolls his eyes, as James frowns. He had gotten taller over the summer, more tanned, hair longer and messier as James leans back in the chair. “Come on, mate. You honestly look horrible.”

He’s too tired to argue back, raising an eyebrow at James instead. “The hell I do.”

James shakes his head. “Look buddy. You’re so pale - have you even stepped outside all summer? You’ve got that hollow look in your eye, you’re obviously exhausted and you’re so damn skinny.”

Sirius sighs. “Stop fussing.”

With a curse, James’ hand shoots forwards, grabbing Sirius’ wrist so hard, it hurts. He shoves the sleeve up, baring the forearm.

Sirius stares down, the pale skin and the scars that shot across it. When he looks up, James’ face is set.

“She’s hurting you again, isn’t she?”

Sirius lets out a dark laugh. “When has she ever stopped?”

James drops Sirius’ arm, his fingers drumming a rapid beat against the glass. The sound is repetitive, echoing in Sirius’ skull, as James swears. “Shit, Pads. Shit. She can’t do this to you. Like… that’s just screwed up.”

Sirius shakes his head. “What am I supposed to do, Prongs? Shove my wand up her - “

“You could run.” James’ voice is steady, his eyes dark. “Pack a trunk, and get out. My parents would take you in, I know they would, and we could help you until you turn 17.”

Sirius closes his eyes. “I can’t.”

“Why not - “

“Because!” He sighs. “Look, James. Think. I’m the only one between Reg and my parents. If I leave - “

James’ fingers still on the window. “They hurt Regulus.”

Sirius exhales. “Yeah.” He pauses. “Look. Better me then him.”

There is a silence, stretching out, before James next speaks. “Goddamn it.” He kicks out, the chair in front of him groaning as he rakes his hands through his hair. “God-fucking-damn it.”

Sirius shrugs. “It’s fine. I’m used to it.”

James shakes his head. “No one should be used to getting a goddamn unforgivable curse out on them.”

“Remus goes through worse. Every fucking full moon.” The words spill out before he can stop himself, tumbling together like waves.

James exhales. “I know. I goddamn know.”

He’s biting on his lip, copper in his mouth, as Sirius swallows. The blood slides down his throat, the skin on his lip ragged, and Sirius takes a breath. “I need to tell you something.”

James scoffs, digging around in his chest. “Yeah?”

“I think I’m in love with Remus.”

James whips his head up, disbelief on his face. “What?”

Sirius swallows. “I think I am in love with Remus.”

“Holy - “ James rakes his hands through his hair, one hand fiddling with his sleeve. “Like…love love?”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “No, like hate love. What the fuck, Prongs, of course love love. Jesus Christ.”

James nods slowly. “Wait, don’t get me wrong, I support you, and I’m honored you told me. But Remus?”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just thought…” James shrugs. “I don’t know, I never thought you would go for Remus.”

“Who would I go for then?”

James shakes his head. “I dunno. Severus?”

Sirius flips him off, smacking him with his wand. “Shut up! Piece of shit.”

“What’s wrong with Severus? All dark and sullen and brooding - “

“If you’re so fascinated with him, why not shag him?”

And they are laughing, laughing so hard, that Sirius almost misses the soft snick of the door being closed. He stops smiling, leaping forward to see Regulus’ face in the narrow window, having heard every bit of their conversation.


	2. The Hallways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius laughs. “Whatever. I’m used to it.” He smiles. “You think what they do is bad? This isn’t pain, James. For God’s sake, I’ve been cut, I’ve been beaten, I’ve lain on the ground while my mother cut wounds into my back. I’ve been Crucio’d so bad that once, I couldn’t walk until 2 weeks later. I can’t feel my lip, you know, because I’ve bitten through it so many times trying not to scream. So they can’t do anything, James. There’s nothing more they can do. No one will understand.”
> 
> “Remus would.” James’ gaze is steady. “You’re right, I can never understand, but Remus can. Tell him, Sirius. You’re being hurt because of him.”
> 
> “No.” Sirius’ voice is distant, cool mist over a grey lake. “I’m not bothering him with this. And you can’t tell him. Swear it.”
> 
> James exhales. “Fine. But you can’t carry this on your own, Pads. It’ll destroy you.”
> 
> Sirius stands, pushing away from the wall. He turns, to walk away, away from the pain and the expectations and the guilt. “Then let it destroy me, Prongs. I guess I fucking deserve it.”

James finds him in the hallway.

He didn’t know how long he had been lying there. It had been quick, merciless and fast. He had been by himself, walking down the hall, when he was stunned from behind. All he remembers was the impact, the way he fell forward, nose crunching against the ground, a flash of green from Slytherin robes disappearing around the corner.

James silently flicks his wand, the spell leaving his cramped muscles, and Sirius sighs. “Thanks.”

James nods, offering a hand out to Sirius. Sirius takes it, his cold fingers wrapped in James’ warm ones, trying not to let his hand shake, trying not to fall apart. He exhales, nose still leaking blood, throbbing and painful.

James winces. “You should see Pomfrey for that. It’s definitely broken, Pads. Smashed pretty good. I’ll walk you there.”

Sirius shakes his head. “It’s fine.” He pulls out his wand, placing the tip against his nose. “Episkey.” With a crunch, his nose snaps into place, and Sirius lets out a quiet moan as he staggers against James. “It’s fine. I’m okay.”

“Like hell you are.” James glares, one arm underneath Sirius’, propping him up against the wall. “They’re hurting you, Pads! They are full blown fucking killing you, and you’re just going to do nothing?”

Sirius shrugs. He jabs at his sleeve with his wand, the caked blood vanishing with a hiss. He had always been good at that, hiding all the blood and scars and injuries. “I’m fine, Prongs. It’s good. We hex them all the time.”

“Jesus - “ James splutters, his face angry and incredulous. “Look, Pads. There’s hexing. Sure, it sucks, and their hair turns pink for a couple of hours, but this! This is full out assault, Sirius. They are literally hurting you!”

Sirius shrugs his hand off, bracing himself against the wall. “I said it’s fine, James. Fucking drop it, yeah?”

When James speaks, his voice is soft. “They broke your nose, Pads. This, and Mulciber broke your finger, remember, and that other bastard knocked you out in the library and - “ He sighs. “And I know what they call you, Pads. Jesus, you have to tell someone. Go to McGonagall!”

Sirius looks down, his voice flat and empty. “And say what, Prongs? That I’m dating Moony? Tell her I’m shagging a boy?” He snarls. “It’s not even my secret to tell, James. She can’t do anything. No one can do anything. All you can do is grin and fucking bear it.”

“But - “

Sirius laughs. “Whatever. I’m used to it.” He smiles. “You think what they do is bad? This isn’t pain, James. For God’s sake, I’ve been cut, I’ve been beaten, I’ve lain on the ground while my mother cut wounds into my back. I’ve been Crucio’d so bad that once, I couldn’t walk until 2 weeks later. I can’t feel my lip, you know, because I’ve bitten through it so many times trying not to scream. So they can’t do anything, James. There’s nothing more they can do. No one will understand.”

“Remus would.” James’ gaze is steady. “You’re right, I can never understand, but Remus can. Tell him, Sirius. You’re being hurt because of him.”

“No.” Sirius’ voice is distant, cool mist over a grey lake. “I’m not bothering him with this. And you can’t tell him. Swear it.”

James exhales. “Fine. But you can’t carry this on your own, Pads. It’ll destroy you.”

Sirius stands, pushing away from the wall. He turns, to walk away, away from the pain and the expectations and the guilt. “Then let it destroy me, Prongs. I guess I fucking deserve it.”

~

He stares down at the parchment, the words swimming in front of him. The cuts underneath his eye throb, his fingers coming away wet with blood when he touches it.

He had told Remus that it came from a Quidditch match, ignoring the agonized look that passed over James’ face. Remus had nodded, brushing over the cut with soft fingers, before Sirius had stalked off to finish his astronomy essay.

With a sigh, he dips his quill in ink, scratching a few letters onto the page. The positioning of Saturn’s rings against the alignment of Uranus’ gravitational pull suggests that…

A splotch of blood falls onto the parchment, crimson red against the yellow. Sirius swears, vanishing the droplet, then places his head into his arms.

It had started off so small. Mainly the Slytherins, but a few others as well. Just small comments: “You’re a fag!” “Always knew you were a poof, Black.” “Running off to shag that boy of yours?” Always when he was alone, never with anyone else.

He had ignored it, held his head high, slung insults and later jinxes right back at them. Even when the curses were thrown, when he started hiding bruises and cuts underneath his robes, he pulled up those walls, a mask of cold arrogance and careless grace carved across his face.

But it was now April, and things had gotten worse. He was late again to potions, forced to wait in the hallway until the full-body curse had worn off, and had to do a double detention. On top of that, the homework hadn’t let up, and he was going to suffocate under the workload, pages and pages worth of essays due, exams to study for and spells to master. It was wearing him out, nights with no sleep and days with no relief, drowning and drowning and drowning.

He rubs his face, hard against his eyes, as he places his quill back on the page. The positioning of Saturn’s rings against the alignment of Uranus’ gravitational pull suggests that…

“Hey.” He looks up, to see Remus slide into the chair next to him. He looks adorable, messy hair, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, that soft, sweet grin pulling at his lips. Sirius gives him a tight smile, staring back down at his page. “Hey.”

Remus reaches over, sliding the parchment over. “‘Positioning of the Outer Planets and their Effects on Magic Usage?’” He looks up. “Pads, this is a 28 inch essay! And it’s due tomorrow!”

“I know.” Sirius grabs the paper. “Guess I’ll pull an all nighter. I also have the Mandrake essay to do, plus the charms worksheet.”

Remus shakes his head, waving his wand. A thick stack of notebooks appears on the table, loose papers stacked in between. “Here. I’ll help you. All my notes, plus my essays.” He frowns. “Reword everything, but close enough. I’ll help with the worksheet.”

Sirius nods, pulling Remus into a soft kiss. “Thanks. Holy crap, I love you so much.”

Remus winks. “Doesn’t count when I’m saving your ass.” He grabs the papers, dipping a quill in ink. “Now shut up. I’m trying to think.”

Sirius smiles, bending over his parchment again. The room was quiet, the only sounds being the crackle of the fireplace and Remus’ steady breathing. It was comforting, knowing that Remus was there, that Remus and him were close enough to touch. Sirius pushes the astronomy essay, reaching for the next sheet.

When they are finally finished, the sky outside is gold, streaks of rose and white across it. Remus yawns, depositing a stack of papers into Sirius’ lap. “Here. You’re welcome.”

Sirius smiles, one hand reaching up to tangle in Remus’ hair, against the soft curls and silky strands. “Thanks. So much. I can’t even - “

“It’s fine.” Remus brushes a kiss against Sirius’ lips. “I’ve got your back. You know that, right? Always.”

Sirius nods, still stroking his hair. “I know. God, I know.”

Remus frowns, pulling away enough to look Sirius in the eye. “Hey. Hey, you alright?” He wraps his arms around Sirius, Sirius relaxing into the touch. “This isn’t like you, Sirius. I mean, you’re not the most organized guy in the world, but you’re usually not this bad. What’s up? Are you okay?”

There’s a host of warring emotions inside of Sirius, the guilt fighting against the sorrow. He shakes his head, unconvincingly. “There’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“It’s okay.” Remus places his lips against Sirius’ neck, resting his head on his shoulder. “Look, Pads. You don’t have to tell me. But I know you. I know what you do when you’re hurting, and you’re hurting right now. You hide, shove all your emotions behind a wall, and you deal with all that shit internally, because that’s what you do, Pads. You suffer through it.” He pulls back, brushing Sirius’ hair out of his face. “And you don’t have to tell me. But I’m always here for you.”

The tears are flowing now, against Sirius’ face, wetting Remus’ skin. It hurts, that empty, hollow wound, stinging his soul. He takes a deep breath, feeling Remus’ arms tighten around him, as he says, “I came out to James. On the train here.”

Remus smiles. “That’s great. I mean, he already knows now, so…”

Sirius shakes his head. “No. No, it’s not that.”

Remus frowns. “Did he not take it well? He seems fine now?”

“No, he took it fine, it’s just…” Sirius closes his eyes. “Someone overheard us. Regulus, I mean. And he…told…everyone…”

Sirius glances up, into Remus’ face. It’s stony, anger flaring in his eyes, as he spits, “He did what?”

Sirius bites his lip. “He…he told everyone. All the Slytherins, at least. They all know. And they haven’t…they haven’t taken it well.”

“Oh my…” Remus stands, papers flying everywhere. Rage covers him, pouring off of him, as he swears. “Shit, Pads. Shit.”

“I-I’m so sorry, Re, please I didn’t - “

“Fuck it, Pads. No, not…not you,” he adds, at the panic that coats Sirius. “Just…” He breathes. “Those cuts…they aren’t from Quidditch, are they.”

Sirius shakes his head.

“And those bruises…” Remus paces, around the table, papers underneath his feet. “Shit, Sirius. They’re hexing you, yeah? That’s why you’re late to all these classes and…shit. Shit.”

“It’s fine,” Sirius whispers, so, so quietly. “I’ve got it. I didn’t want to burden you - “

“I will kill them.” Remus is shaking too, agony coating his face. “I will fucking kill them for touching you, how could you bear this alone, Pads?”

Sirius shakes his head. “You do it every full moon, Re. Every goddamn full moon.”

There’s raw pain on Remus’ face, raw pain on Sirius’, two sides of the same coin, as Remus breathes, “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”

Sirius just smiles. “I had James. And you.”

He winces, slightly, as Remus takes him into his arms, but all Sirius can do is breathe. Breathe, the sun rising over the mountains, holding each other as the stars disappeared.


End file.
